The end of things

I'm done with freshman year well I have been for a couple of weeks now. Its amazing how I started feshman year being depressed and lost and I ended it being the happiest I've felt in a long time. All of what happened this year made me stronger and I was able to find out who I really was. Thanks to friends and my family for all the support throughout this year. The blog really helped me figure things out and be myself. Truth is all the drama sucked but it helped me find out who my true friends are. Now I realize this, I would always try to blame someone else for my unhappiness but now I know I should of been blaming me. Drama is so overrated, stupid, and a complete waste of time. I don't even know about the girl I was in August. I'm much happier now and more confindent with myself then I ever was before.

Birthday Time

Tomorrow is like my best friend's birthday! So what better gift to write this person a blog? I think this is the greatest gift one can wish for. This person is amazing in every single way kind, caring, funny, athletic, smart, and just smipily awesome. This person has helped me through so much in the last month or two taking away my blues. Turning my frown upside down everyday I smile when I see his face. I don't think I have ever laughed as much as when I'm with him. He was one of the nicest people in the world.  So hopefully a little party will do some good to up his birthday mood! I hope this day was everything we wanted it to be and more because he deserved it! He was more than I ever could ask for a best friend. He is the one who gets me through high school with a smile on my face. So thanks for being there for me when I needed you the most.:)

In Time.

What I said had still remainded true. The drama was getting worse and it wasn't even worth it. Now what really matters most is what makes me feel good about myself and being happy. Happiness also doesn't mean that everything is perfect, happiness is when you decide to look beyond the imperfections.Maybe it was time to put the past were it belonged. Now I'm doing and feeling better which is something I never thought I would say. Life was actually looking up rather than down. Maybe I needed to face the facts and maybe help myself this time. Is being too nice a bad thing?  But now I'm so done with everything. What I need the most is a fresh start maybe a new city, new faces and new places. Don't get me wrong I love Livermore but maybe I was getting tried of it, the same old things going on everyday. Now I realize how much of a stronger I've become through all of this. So thanks for the memories but its time to make better and greater ones! The "high school culture" is way to overrated and that was for sure. Now its amazing to rise above all of this and not let it bring me down. I need to focus on the people and things that make me happy which is friends and 4-H. In time things will be even better hopefully. Thanks guys for all of you comments and thanks for following my blog!:)

Affected.

 I guess my blog had affected more people than I ever wanted it to. As of last night it seemed like nothing had changed. I just realized what good friends I have. The kind who will do anything just to make you happy. Even if you make them take to you on the phone for 4 hours. The crap load of drama finally got to me. Drama is so pointless ans stupid.. why waste your time even thinking about it? It's amazing how one person can only focus on you flaws and tell everyone just to see you fall. Even in their spare time they find even more reason why your a bitch, loser, freak, or just weird. All that I seem to focus on was the negtive side of things instead of the postive side. Last night I was at the same place I was a couple months ago. Which was me beating myself up. I was thinking all of the wrong things. I only was realzing all of the things that was wrong with me, thinking nobody wanted me around, and I would be better of dead.  For some people they were taking the words I write and twisting them around. To make it seem like I'm full of myself. If you don't like what i'm writing then don't read it. It's as simple as that. I have no idea where all of this drama started over a blog. It seems kind of silly.. doesn't it?  But now realzing that being sad isn't any fun, I was just going to forget all of the drama. Its sounds easier then it acually is. I think the most important thing that I realzied was that ditch the drama, move on its not worth it. Some people just aren't worth your breath so why waste it? The whole reason why I even started this blog was because I just needed a way to express myself and I guess that is through writting.

Decode.

Last night was actually fun, being at an old place I was fimiliar with. As I walked through the front door, the memories flood back. I might hae even gotten whiplash or just a bad case of dasha voo. It was nice just to talk to person who was at the place I was a couple months ago. This person was finding that high school was becoming his living hell. I wanted to help as much as I could. He was finding that depression is the strongest thing a human could find. It seemed like I completely forgot my past with him and set everything aside. I wanted to ask him serval questions about what happened to us, I just couldn't. I was there more mental support and he needed a friend to talk to. I thought I would never ever speak to him after what had happened. Its amazing how good it flet just to be heard, telling some else my whole high school drama eperience was great actually. Maybe he was more like me than I could of thought. How could he deicide whats right when someone was clouding his mind. Its hard when people take sides but someone took his pride this time. I thought the whole night how did we get here,I used to know you so well. I said do you seen what they done, there making such fools out of themselves. Your better than them. Eventually he can rise above all of this. There is something I see in you it might kill be but he needed to here the truth. Nobody wants to be at at this dark place that he was at. He needs to realize how many people love him including his parents. We probably talked for 2-3 hours straight about  him. He said you out of all I would of never guess you would be the one to help me, support me, and listen too me. Now decoding the truth is harder than it seems.

Run to Talk, Talk to Run

Every time I seem to have a problem, or to face things that are difficult I blog. For some reason this is now becoming a daily rotuine. But this time I don't have a problem and I'm not questioning anything. When I joined Granada's cross country team, I needed that support system to be great instead of just okay. Before I joined I was at a rough spot in my life. If you read of my other blogs you would know why:DRAMA. All of a sudden I was forced into a team, not just a great group of runners, but a great group of people. Here at Granada XC I was apart of a team. While I was on my daliy rn for the day, thoughts came pounding into my head of why oyher people joined this team. As I was thinking more than I should o been, I realized what this team did for others. Some runners love the feeling of beating high-end schools throughout the bay area. Others have a mindset, a goal, a place where they need to get to during a race. Most people have never thought of cross country as a serious sport, but they had no idea of how hard everybody works to do great and be great. What makes Granada so different have the other schools is that we are all friends, theres no drama, no problems, and no people who wanted me dead or hit by a bus. Everybody was so nice, funny, and outgoing. Everybody has there own reasons for loving this sport. Now I was wondering why I loved it? Maybe it was verthing I needed to land on my feet. Maybe I loved the atmosphere of running, maybe it was pure adredaline pricing through my veins. I think it was all of the above and more reasons. I have meant some of the nicest people. Cross Country is a sport of mental strenght, drive, and most importantly passion.

Forgetting the Past

For once in this whole year I've been feeling good, I have forgoten everything about the typical high school dance. Its amazing how when your a teenager the small things in life can affect you the most. After a great night at golden skate I realized all I ever wanted just to have a good time, and LIVE IT UP! I've never been the drama qeen ever.. and thats something I don't want to known as that.  Last night it seemed like everything changed I guess I just needed a good time. Its like I've been dealing with everybodys problems but mine. Its hard being a friend for everone too, even the people I wanted to get hit by a bus. When high school came I kind of wanted to change. Change for the better, help more, and do more. I was tried of the past, the past seems to always be coming up in this life of mine. If they call it the past shouldn't everybody forget about it. For some reason the past was more talked about than the future. It seemed like for some reason my past was all I could ever think about.  But as of right now I just want to live for the moment I guess.  I probably sound like some high school loser when I say that... oh great. Its funny how just one person can change your mood, and just makes you realize things that you were too blind to see.  The past is the one thing that reminds us all of our downfalls.